Rebuilding (A HaiKu)

A new beginning,

I’ve missed writing and sharing.

Fresh insight is due.

The last few weeks have been challenging. I have struggled with my choices. I wanted to free up some time, but the activities that took up my time are all worthy pursuits. Once before I stopped my nursing license, then renewed it for the pandemic. I had a much easier decision when I gave up my anesthesia credentials as a CRNA. I knew that at my age, even 12 years ago, I had no business staying in the operating room as an anesthetist. Although COVID-19 is not over, it is much more manageable now. So I stepped back from a volunteer clinic and I am doing less vaccinations now…

What should I concentrate on now? No one knows their expiration date, but getting older has definitely brought it to my mind more often. I am soon to be a great-grandmother and I find that so exciting. I question if I’ve made any positive impressions on my family that will be remembered. I also want to be remembered as someone who enjoyed her life and had fun, faith, and valued family.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.–Anne Lamott, writer.

That is my nugget of inspiration for today.

Let’s keep in touch.

Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets

The words belong to a popular song written by Richard Adler and Jerry Ross for the 1955 musical Damn Yankees. I often felt my furry friend was aptly named. I moved to a new area a couple years after my husband died. New neighborhood–new pet seemed like a great idea.I had lost my lovable Chocolate Lab the year before.,My four granddaughters who lived closest to me helped me choose a pup. They and then I fell in love with Pug puppies we saw on the internet. We picked up a chubby ten-week-old Pug that became my constant companion. Lola was perfect for me. She was funny and loving and loyal. I got used to her being wherever I was in the house and later in an apartment. She comforted me with her snuggles when I left an unhappy situation and she kept me busy and occupied when I was lonesome during the early days of the COVID pandemic. Lately, typical of older pets, Lola spent more time sleeping, only occasionally moved to play with her toys. But she never lost her love of people. Extremely social, she would drag me toward people I didn’t know outside my building with her tail wagging, and seemingly saying “Hey, I’m here! I’d like to get to know you.” She could be annoying with her television habit. She would react and bark at any animals on the TV. Once she aged to around 11, Lola became deaf so trying to quiet her during her TV watching was difficult. I took her to the Emergency Vet Hospital on Sunday because she was having difficulty breathing and her abdomen seemed distended. She fell over in the dog yard and could walk only a few steps and would lay down, completely spent. She ate and drank normally even then. In the hospital, the ultrasound showed a tumor which seemed to be in her spleen. There was to be a further scan of some sort the next morning and possible surgery if the growth was confined to the spleen. At thirteen, she had been strong, but I knew I would have a difficult decision to make. At three a.m. she ate chicken and the staff said she seemed more comfortable, but at the next check–she was gone. Lola was a stubborn girl. I think she heard talk of surgery and thought, “Nope, not doin’that” She died on her own terms and took away my problem of deciding her fate. For that I have to be thankful.

I am so sad and nothing looks normal in my home. Without her toys, her dish, her bed. All who have ever lost a pet know what I’m talking about. I thank God for the 13 years and 3 months of her life which blessed me every day. Rest in peace dear Lola.

You’ve Done It Before

“What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter,

footsteps even lighter…”

Song by Kelly Clarkson

You’ve done it before, recovered from a blow, when you thought it the very worst.

Yet here you are plodding along, your life isn’t really cursed.

Remember the embarrassment in middle school and having to tell your folks? You thought they’ likely disown you, but there are your own kids,

Who laugh at papa’s jokes.

Until you’ve had a death that happens to someone close that you know,You don’t know what to say or do to try and help them through.

But as life throws you curve balls and fouls, you learn to adjust your stance,

A Rainstorm is approaching

You pick up the bat and face the pitch, willing to take the chance.

Been through a lot, the key word is through, and this storm will pass you will see.

Do what you can to help, pray and let go, and let God–the one who sets us free.

.

A Summer of Freedom

On a warm summer evening two weeks ago,

As it seemed the pandemic and illness continued to slow,

I watched people file into the park with their chairs,

Eager for music and mingling and return of the fairs.

But even then lurking around the hedges,

Was the threat of variants as Dr. Fauci alleges.

We need to reach a higher percent to insure there’ll be no spike.

I am loving the warm weather. Will be

posting more often for the summer. There’s so much to appreciate–like sunrises, sunsets, and flowers and lakes….

Tell everyone to vaccinate and tell COVID to take a hike. #health#science#comments and verse#poetry

Holding Pattern

You don’t need more time…

You just need to DECIDE

Seth Godin

Do you ever feel like you’re busy, but getting nowhere? I wrote this as I was pondering what to do next.

I feel lately like I’m hovering in all areas of my life,

There is hope for the pandemic, but still a lot of strife.

I have a book that’s started, but it is hovering too.

Waiting for my persistent self to show up and bring it through.

My unfinished knitting is scowling at me, as it rests neatly in my bag.

My time management self is absent, she’s such an awful hag.

Procrastination is a trait I don’t aspire to gain,

But it seems I have a flair for it, as if that was my aim.

Outside it’s sunny, people and dogs are enjoying the day.

Maybe a walk will clear my head and help me find my way.

I’ll tackle the writing and pound on those keys.

And be proud of what I finish with such finesse and ease.

Tangled, Broken, and Retied

As I examined at knitted scarf I’ve been making this week, I tucked in a couple of stray pieces of yarn. I had run out of yarn in one skein and had begun to work from a new one at one place. I could see where I attached the new yarn and wove in the loose end–sort of. A small piece of yarn had still poked up and stood out. I found another error where I had added one stitch more than I should to a section.

Everyone is praying for 2021 to be a healthier, less divisive and more peaceful year. May it be so and may we greet others with an attitude of love and understanding.

On the surface the piece looks acceptable, but I know where the yarn was fraying a little bit and where I tore a row out to redo it.

I am much like a piece of my knitting–acceptable on the surface, but only God and I know where I was broken and knit back together through my life and what each “I’m sorry” cost me to face up to my mistakes and own them. I ask God to point out my mistakes also as we all can be blind to our faults and omissions.

Each event in our lives adds to the fabric of the outward appearance we present. What would people see if they saw the underside where the mistakes and the patches of hurt placed over them have left scars? They would see the smooth sections interspersed with the uglier knotted and tied-together repairs.

As we go forward from this unbelievable year; we grieve with the people who have lost jobs as well as loved ones and we’ve disagreed with others whose political and even medical views differ from ours. But it is important to remember that each person we meet has a few knots and patches, some repaired and some still dangling. Love and understanding go a long way toward revealing the outward person as the true self and not a disguise of what lies beneath.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C. S. Lewis

How to Carry On

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

It seems each day we’ve more to fear,

A pandemic and an election year.

Sick of masking, washing, and being apart,

We want to hug friends-because it’s good for the heart

Kids study at home virtually and dad office is the spare bedroom,

Yoga class is on TV and grandma’s learned to Zoom.

Life still advances whether we’re ready or not.

I remind myself God knows the battles I’ve fought.

The only way I calm myself when things are out of hand,

Is calling on my faith that God is still in command.

Not sitting back, but standing up where I can,

Letting worries drop and scatter like grains of sand.

Connie’s Coffee Chat

I got up this morning and thought I looked fine,

Then I put in my contacs and saw the decline

Deep wrinkles and fine lines–though fewer of those,

After a deep sigh–I just put on my clothes.

What else can you do, when we’re all stuck inside,

But pray for each other until this subsides.

Check on your neighbor by phone or by text,

None of us know what is happening next.

The days loom before us–a deep dark abyss,

I keep remembering how I once longed for this.

To have no reason to rise and rush out,

Just to love and help each other–that’s what it’s all about.